Sinner the Pooh

I call for the resignation of Winnie the Pooh;

Now that I’ve said it, Piglet too.

I know they are a friendly, lovable pair,

but in 1926, they kidnapped Roo.

Some matters are unforgiveable

and cancel out years of being Helpful.

You may question the timing but

any relation to current events is simply coincidental.

The facts are undisputed:

When Kanga first entered the Hundred Acre Wood

She was odd as could be, and Mr. Robin’s little gang

made a plan, as best they could.

In Chapter Seven of the First Book, Kanga was presented as an undocumented immigrant. She clearly had nefarious intentions, as she was hiding Roo in a pocket as she came in.

“Here – we – are,” said Rabbit very slowly and carefully, “all-of-us, and then, suddenly, we wake up one morning and, what do we find? We find a Strange Animal among us. An animal of whom we have never even heard before! An animal who carries her family about with her in her pocket! Suppose I carried my family about with me in my pocket, how many pockets should I want?”

Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne, 1926

Now clearly Eeyore is a Democrat, and the elusive Heffalump is Republican in the purest sense, though barely real, but Pooh and Piglet are of No Particular Party, and Rabbit seems a little racist. So Politics is not the problem so much as small brainedness. And everyone knows that Pooh is a “Bear of Little Brain.”

As the gang was discussing What to Do About Kanga, someone suggested separating her from her child. They all agreed that this would a Very Difficult Deed, as Kanga kept Roo in her pocket, but they had to take a moral stand against these strangers entering without permission, so they worked out a plan:

“The best way,” said Rabbit, “would be this. The best way would be to steal Baby Roo and hide him, and then when Kanga says, ‘Where’s Baby Roo?’ we say, ‘Aha!'”

So obviously Rabbit is the mastermind behind this criminal conspiracy to kidnap Kanga’s kid, but Pooh is a follower, and Piglet is a pawn, as shown below:

“Aha!” said Pooh, practising. “Aha! Aha!. . . Of course,” he went on, “we could say ‘Aha!’ even if we hadn’t stolen Baby Roo.”

“Pooh,” said Rabbit kindly, “you haven’t any brain.”

“I know,” said Pooh humbly.

“We say ‘Aha!’ so that Kanga knows that we know where Baby Roo is. ‘Aha!’ means ‘We’ll tell you where Baby Roo is, if you promise to go away from the Forest and never come back.’ Now don’t talk while I think.”

Id

What we have here is quite interesting. We have Rabbit leading a caucus of the NPP (No Particular Party) in devising a plan and indoctrinating what He obviously sees as a recalcitrant newbie to politics. Pooh, or P’u even. Being the novice, Edward Bear (his real name) would rather pretend they committed the crime than actually carry it out, and the leadership quickly rebuffs him with a “Hundred Acre Wood” version of “You’ve got a lot to learn about politics . . .” Not wanting to lose his place in the party that holds the future of his career, he rationalizes and cooperates in The Plan.

To cut to the point, the NPP carried out their plan, and although it worked, it didn’t work. Roo was quite successfully kidnapped, and Kanga went away with Piglet, but Kanga feigned ignorance of Piglet not being Roo – giving him a bath and medicine and such of which Piglets are not at all fond, and Rabbit and Roo played happily together.

Well finally Christopher Robin came along and sorted everything out, but that brings me back to my original point. I demand the resignation of Pooh, and Piglet, and Rabbit. They showed themselves to be racist, bigoted, felonious individuals in 1926. And although No Particular Harm was done in the whole matter, they should be required to make a formal public apology for what they did then, regardless of who they have been, or what they might have learned, since. The more humiliating the apology the better, and it must be well publicized regardless of the additional damage the publicity may cause to Kanga or Roo.

As a principle of morals, the present members of NPP simply cannot allow this to go uncorrected. Who’s with me?

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