Maybe it was my imagination, but several things started coming together after I accepted Authority.
Before I get to that, though, I’ll explain that the final moments of my working all these things out was after London on a long walk on a railroad track, at night, in a light rain with a good friend named Mark who had some of the same issues I did. Its funny how railroad tracks at night have always helped me think. Something about the symmetry; no worries about taking a wrong turn; that to me then was like a motorcycle now. A way to clear the head and focus. I was ready to stop the search and accept the answer. So was Mark.
Nevermind that it was trespassing on railroad property and a train could have run over us and killed us in a bloody gruesome death if we caught a foot in the tracks. That wasn’t our concern.
We walked and talked over the canon, the crucifixion, the crisis of belief and doubt, and commitment. This is where we agreed that if God – the Trinity – is all powerful, it doesn’t much matter what we think of His policies. If He truly is a sovereign creator, His will in allowing good things to happen to bad people or bad things to happen to good people, and all the other philosophical questions we had, were moot. Our like or dislike of Him was irrelevant. We were subject to Him whether we liked it or not. Before and then in London, I had reasoned my way to belief. My opinion of something real doesn’t affect its existence.
So we knelt in the drips under a bridge and prayed to accept Him and His authority, as opposed to just His existence.
This was late in college. I had lived in mendacium, accepted Christ’s existence and resurrection, experienced some horrifying sights and sounds to affirm my belief, and lived abroad during the past few years. Before this point I had applied to law schools with no luck yet and avoided relationships that could become substantial, but after this my then friendship with Melissa grew and I received two admissions to law schools. Also, ever since I had come back to belief, I had been seeking an opportunity in missions, but only now was I accepted as a summer missionary to Alaska.
This is a short post for a reason. Working up to this decision was a process of maybe 20 years, or just a couple of years, depending on how you look at it. Growing as a result of the decision and remaining committed to the decision is the rest of life, and permeates (or should) everything else in this blog. In contrast, that night was as short as this post.